CHINESE MEDICINE
Well I've been gettin a lot of complaints about how I dont really update this thing no more. Poor you. Well I shall make an attempt to bring this thing back. Ill tell stories again. I cant promise they will be good. Perhaps they will be awful and it will ruin the good name that I have. But who cares that much anyway. Not sure how long I will keep this up. Depends how bored I get with you, dear reader...
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The other day on the advice of my friend I went along to a Chinese Doctor. Im not just saying a GP who happens to be Chinese, Im talking about a real deal Chinese old school doctor. Like the ones you see in the movies that have the crazy long hairs and wont sell you a mogwai.
Anyway, I treked out to this place on my day off thinking I might be greated by a man in an office or something, except I was welcomed into the front room of his house. He was enjoying an episode of Kerri-Anne, a strange choice for an ancient doctor I thought but hey since Burt left Good Morning Australia what the hell can you watch on a Weekday morning.
He sat me down on his couch and proceded to probe me with questions about my health, whilst always keeping one eye on the tele. He was particularly interested in my bowels, as you may well know dear reader I have problems with them. I had to explain my movements the the texture of my movements in great detail. He then left the room for about 20 minutes leaving me to watch Kerri-anne, which might I say is a pretty darn boring as shit show.
He returned with 2 bags full of sticks and bark and told me to cook them up in water, drain off the water and drink it. Then he wanted 50 bucks for the 2 bags of sticks. Not one to argue with a soothsayer (for fear of a curse) I gave him the money and went on my way, oh and I have to return every 2 weeks for more bags of sticks...
I went home and cooked up my stew, it made one of the most god-awful smells in the world, my housemate screamed that I was turning the house into a swamp, I shouted him down with tales of great powers and health that I would achieve once drinking this horrible poison. I cooked it all up, waited till it cooled down a little and drank my first glass.
I felt like I was going to spew from the first gulp, it tasted bitter, but worse than bitter and the after taste was like arseholes covered in piss. It was fuking awful. But I drank the whole glass. I've had a glass a day for the last 4 days, I dont feel amazing, but I dont feel that sick, which I guess is a good thing...
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The other day on the advice of my friend I went along to a Chinese Doctor. Im not just saying a GP who happens to be Chinese, Im talking about a real deal Chinese old school doctor. Like the ones you see in the movies that have the crazy long hairs and wont sell you a mogwai.
Anyway, I treked out to this place on my day off thinking I might be greated by a man in an office or something, except I was welcomed into the front room of his house. He was enjoying an episode of Kerri-Anne, a strange choice for an ancient doctor I thought but hey since Burt left Good Morning Australia what the hell can you watch on a Weekday morning.
He sat me down on his couch and proceded to probe me with questions about my health, whilst always keeping one eye on the tele. He was particularly interested in my bowels, as you may well know dear reader I have problems with them. I had to explain my movements the the texture of my movements in great detail. He then left the room for about 20 minutes leaving me to watch Kerri-anne, which might I say is a pretty darn boring as shit show.
He returned with 2 bags full of sticks and bark and told me to cook them up in water, drain off the water and drink it. Then he wanted 50 bucks for the 2 bags of sticks. Not one to argue with a soothsayer (for fear of a curse) I gave him the money and went on my way, oh and I have to return every 2 weeks for more bags of sticks...
I went home and cooked up my stew, it made one of the most god-awful smells in the world, my housemate screamed that I was turning the house into a swamp, I shouted him down with tales of great powers and health that I would achieve once drinking this horrible poison. I cooked it all up, waited till it cooled down a little and drank my first glass.
I felt like I was going to spew from the first gulp, it tasted bitter, but worse than bitter and the after taste was like arseholes covered in piss. It was fuking awful. But I drank the whole glass. I've had a glass a day for the last 4 days, I dont feel amazing, but I dont feel that sick, which I guess is a good thing...
posted by matt at 3:22 PM
6 Comments:
good to have you back. theres something comforting about routine. its not that your stories are any good but ya know, its just the knowledge that at least there's something new to look at when checking in.
and whilst we're not on the topic, check out "Loney,Dear".
yeah loney dear is pretty good.
and thanks for the 'compliment'
you know that when you go back in a fortnight he will just tap his temple and say 'round eye, i show you all in mind' and explain that drinking shitty stick stew was purely to give you some perspective on how your bowel problems pale in significance compared to people who's diet consists solely of shitty stick stew.
damn smart arse asians.
<3 nige/
i don't think i have ever been 'greated by a man' - greeted but never greated.
picky its true
i doubt you have ever GREETED anyone cause you have obviously spent your life with your nose in a book.
NERD!!!
and it's "trekked out" not "treked out". Please refer to Ianto's blog for correct spelling. I hear it's vastly superior.
and also, why do we have to do word verification when commenting on this blog when it's obvious the author has not bothered with a spell check???
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