THE DAMNED NEW TRAMS
ok ok ok, so this blog aint really up to the minute with the times but its something that has been bothering me for a few months now. The new trams are shite!
Recently in Adelaide we have had new flashy trams on our tracks I guess in an attempt to compete with Melbourne for best things in the world. Cmon, trams!? Lets just go nuclear on their asses. aaaaanyway. These new trams have sooo many problems with them and somehow make the old trams built in the 30s look like first class seats on Donald Trumps toilet.
Anyway here is a list of all the problems I have discovered with the new trams. (i must be gettin damn old, complaining about public transport...damn youths!!!)
1. The Hard As Hell Seats What Disguise Themselves As Being Comfy.
The seats in there have the illusion of being nice and soft material seats but when you sit down on them you discover that it is all an illusion. The padding on the seats is in fact only a thin clothe covering very hard cold plastic. But they look soft you see so you go to plonk yr ass down on them and you almost break them when there is no give. Expect lawsuits soon. However I have been enjoying watching the other people catching the tram for the first time sitting down, the pain/disappointment in their faces is priceless, perhaps the reason they were installed in the first place.
2. The Door Opening Buttons.
Just open the doors already! The buttons look futuristic and all with their nice flashy lights but they confuse the hell out of me. You have to press them several times to get the doors to open and they are also the button to request the tram to stop at the next stop. The first time I used them I worried that by pressing the door open/stop request button in a moving tram I would open the door while it was still driving. Which would surely get the other passengers shouting at me and then the tram driver would declare me a fool and I would wind up being tied to the tracks awaiting the next tram*. *that may or may not happen, but it could!
3. The Ticket Machines.
When you first step onto a new tram you will notice that you have to walk around the ticket machine to put your ticket in the slot because they were installed backwards. What fukin morons did that!? And it wasnt just a one off mistake, they were all put in backwards, so it was obviously a fukin moron up the top. They must have received several complaints about it because a sticker saying 'the ticket machines will soon be placed in better positions' were stuck to the sides of them. When they finally did 'fix' them they just turned them slightly rather than moving them to the way they should be, frontwards! Idiots. stupid idiots.
4.The Annoying Voice.
Lets just make our tram drivers even more suicidal by puttin in an annoying womans voice that announces every stop you are about to get to. I only catch the tram about once or twice a week but it gives me the shits in that short time, the drivers must hear it in their sleep!
5. Leg Room.
Now I dont know if the world has noticed but everyone is getting taller. I am reasonably tall, but there will come a day when I am considered shorter. I struggle to find a hard hard seat to sit on that accomadates my knees. The only ones with leg room are the ones facing the people sitting the opposite way meaning you wind up accidentally touching knees with other people. Knees are the next worse things to elbows, I dont want anyones knees a touching me.
So maybe a couple of these reasons are a bit bogus, but I want better trams dagnammit! Sort it out Adelaide transport type people. Or else I might print this rant off and post it to ya!
Recently in Adelaide we have had new flashy trams on our tracks I guess in an attempt to compete with Melbourne for best things in the world. Cmon, trams!? Lets just go nuclear on their asses. aaaaanyway. These new trams have sooo many problems with them and somehow make the old trams built in the 30s look like first class seats on Donald Trumps toilet.
Anyway here is a list of all the problems I have discovered with the new trams. (i must be gettin damn old, complaining about public transport...damn youths!!!)
1. The Hard As Hell Seats What Disguise Themselves As Being Comfy.
The seats in there have the illusion of being nice and soft material seats but when you sit down on them you discover that it is all an illusion. The padding on the seats is in fact only a thin clothe covering very hard cold plastic. But they look soft you see so you go to plonk yr ass down on them and you almost break them when there is no give. Expect lawsuits soon. However I have been enjoying watching the other people catching the tram for the first time sitting down, the pain/disappointment in their faces is priceless, perhaps the reason they were installed in the first place.
2. The Door Opening Buttons.
Just open the doors already! The buttons look futuristic and all with their nice flashy lights but they confuse the hell out of me. You have to press them several times to get the doors to open and they are also the button to request the tram to stop at the next stop. The first time I used them I worried that by pressing the door open/stop request button in a moving tram I would open the door while it was still driving. Which would surely get the other passengers shouting at me and then the tram driver would declare me a fool and I would wind up being tied to the tracks awaiting the next tram*. *that may or may not happen, but it could!
3. The Ticket Machines.
When you first step onto a new tram you will notice that you have to walk around the ticket machine to put your ticket in the slot because they were installed backwards. What fukin morons did that!? And it wasnt just a one off mistake, they were all put in backwards, so it was obviously a fukin moron up the top. They must have received several complaints about it because a sticker saying 'the ticket machines will soon be placed in better positions' were stuck to the sides of them. When they finally did 'fix' them they just turned them slightly rather than moving them to the way they should be, frontwards! Idiots. stupid idiots.
4.The Annoying Voice.
Lets just make our tram drivers even more suicidal by puttin in an annoying womans voice that announces every stop you are about to get to. I only catch the tram about once or twice a week but it gives me the shits in that short time, the drivers must hear it in their sleep!
5. Leg Room.
Now I dont know if the world has noticed but everyone is getting taller. I am reasonably tall, but there will come a day when I am considered shorter. I struggle to find a hard hard seat to sit on that accomadates my knees. The only ones with leg room are the ones facing the people sitting the opposite way meaning you wind up accidentally touching knees with other people. Knees are the next worse things to elbows, I dont want anyones knees a touching me.
So maybe a couple of these reasons are a bit bogus, but I want better trams dagnammit! Sort it out Adelaide transport type people. Or else I might print this rant off and post it to ya!
posted by matt at 10:53 AM
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