Adelaide Pubs - My Story

Inspired by this part of the Adelaide index website here: http://www.adelaideindex.com/?page=map
I have decided to write some of my stories in relation to where they have taken place. As I have spent a good deal of my adult life in pubs around the city, I will tell stories of things that have happened to me in the various nightspots around Adelaide. After all its in pubs when the best things happen to you...

The Exeter Hotel:

The Exeter is a place that I spend the large majority of my time as it is my favorite pub in Adelaide. I have many good stories from this place but the one that always springs to mind first occurred back when I was about 18. After meeting a friend of a friend who spoke Japanese we spent a good portion of the night talking crap about Japan and getting drunker and drunkerer. I was drinking some sort of scotch I think. Something I wasnt entirely used to at that age in my drinking life. Now this man, whos name I forget, was gay. This did not bother me at all but it is important to the story. Anyway after being told to leave the Exeter cause it was closing I stood up from my table and the room started spinning. I did not feel very good. I walked from the beer garden, through the hallway and out the front door. As soon as I stepped through the front door I progectile vomited all over the tables in front of the Exeter and onto a few of the people who were sitting there. I remember a lot of screams and shouts. I thought it was all rather funny and laughed a lot. Then I went to the gutter and finished the job. My new gay friend decided he better get me out of there before I was lynched and escorted me off down the street. The next I remember was waking up in the Eastern parklands on a bench with my new friends head in my lap. I looked down to see him smiling up at me. 'Is this ok?' he asked, 'errr not really' I replied. He lifted his head from my crotch and sat up putting his arm around me stroking my hair. 'I wanna go home' I moaned. He then drove me home which I thought was very nice of him. I later found out that he talked to all of my friends and told them that I was a prick-tease and that I was in denial about my sexuality. I must have pissed him off with my friendlyness. What a jerk.

The Crown 'n' Scepter:

This place USED to be my favorite pub. As a youngster I had many a good time there. Very nice place it was indeed. Its now a pile of shit that I dare not step into now, however it looks as though it does a lot better business these days. It was at the Crown and Scepter that I met a lot of my current friends. It was a popular place for Adelaide bands to play so a lot of people would be there that I sort of knew. At the time I was working evening shift in a meat freezer. A place I used to steal from regularly. One night I had come directly from work to the CnS to see a band or something. In my backpack I had a large amount of stolen meat. Top quality meat I might add, if your gonna get caught stealing you might as well get caught stealing the best, not worth loosing your job for some no frills ham. Anyway it was a warm night and I had a bag full of meat at the CnS. I got quite drunk and started offering my meat to people I hardly knew, who I now call my friends. To my surprise no one wanted free meat from the drunk guy in a pub. I was quite drunk and tried to explain to them that the meat was top quality and that they were turning down some damn good eatin here! But to no avail. I later found out once I got to know these people that I was referred to 'the meat guy'. A name I wish I still championed.

The Crown and Anchor:

Most of these stories are from my late teen years. A point in my life when I was going a bit mad. I was in a long distance relationship, studying full-time, working a lot of nights in a freezer, and drinking an awful lot. I was also as troublesome as I could be to the general population. And for some reason the Crown and Anchor brought out the worst in me. Still does actually. I may have mentioned this story before but here we go again. It was a hot summers night. I was drunk. I had somehow come into the possession of a water pistol. I ran through the pub shooting as many people as I could. Some people found it funny. Others did not. I squirted some girl who screamed in horror, as I ran past i felt something very hard hit me in the back just below my neck. I fell to the floor. As I turned around and looked up I saw a very angry man holding the girls hand. I realised he had punched me in the back for squirting his lady. As a skinny young drunk I decided it was best not to continue the fight and offered him my water pistol. He told me to get fucked at that was the end of that.

The Grace Emily:

Around the time of this event I had discovered that if you grabbed your cheeks and pulled them back and forth quickly you could make a sound a lot like a man masturbating. I thought it was hilarious. Unfortunately you could not talk while doing that so additional sound effects were impossible. I came up with a great gag to go into a toilet cubicle with someone else, make that sound while the other person made groaning 'oh momma' sounds to give the illusion that there was someone masturbating in the toilet. What a great gag I thought! One drunken eve at the Grace Emily I was telling my new friend Debbie my zany scheme. She thought it was a great idea and agreed with me to go into the boys toilets and help me carry out my dream prank. As we walked into the toilets together a cranky looking man was coming out. We thought nothing of it and hid in the cubicle. I was trying to make the sound but unfortunately we were too busy giggling at what we were trying to do to actually pull it off. As we crouched in there giggling waiting for our first victim to arrive we heard a large banging on the toilet door. 'Come out of there!' a guy yelled. We waited a few seconds and reluctantly opened the door, the cranky guy had told the bar staff that we were in there. I tried to explain to the guy that we wernt really do what he thought. He didnt seem to care. And just wanted us out of his toilets. The prank was never pulled off. I later heard that a couple weeks later, my partner in crime was once again at the Grace, this time in the womens toilets when someone smashed a mirror in there. The same guy came running into the toilets to see Debbie standing there near the mirror. He remembered her and blamed her. She protested her innocence but I dont think he believed her. Oh well.

The Worlds End and Shotz:

One night I was at the Worlds End with some pals of mine, we were all having a nice few ales together. My lady friend at the time wanted to go home so I took her home, not wanting her to go home on her own. We lived on Frome st which was very close to Shotz and so I told my friends that when they got to Shotz to call me and I would meet them there. I was keen to party on you see. After coming home my lady friend went to bed and I sat watching late night tv, waiting for my friends to call. I was a little drunk and quite hungry. I noticed in the kitchen a loaf of fresh bread. I decided to make myself a nice butter sandwich. I made that and ate it quickly declaring it a taste sensation. I continued to make butter sandwiches and eat them while watching tv until my friends called. By the time they called I suddenly realised that I had eaten the entire loaf of bread. Feeling a bit queezy I still walked to Shotz determined to keep the party going. After standing around there for a little bit with my pals ever so slowly sipping on my schooner of beer, I rushed to the toilet feeling very awful. I proceeded to throw up the entire loaf of bread which was still in a very solid breaddy like state. I didnt feel ill after that but unfortunately I had gotten a lot of it on my clothes and so had to go home. It was a sad day in the life of party Matt. And a sorry day for party enthusiasts everywhere.