A hungry man goes bowling
When a man wants a sausage, he should get a fukin sausage!
Yesterday I went to that new lawn bowls for yuppies place that is sweeping the town. It was my second time there and I have to admit that it was sort of pleasant there. Nice bar, nice beer, nice and cool outside...however it was full of absolute wankers.
The sort of people that make me wanna run round with a big pointy hand and just slap them all in their stupid faces. You know the type, visors, polo shirts, charity wrist bands. Tossers.
Anyway I tried to ignore them and have a nice time with my beer.
A nice part of this place is the BBQ. Its a bit bloody expensive for the amount you get, $7 for half a plate full of food, but it tastes good and Ill pay high prices for meat when Im drinking. Know what Im sayin.
However after finishing my half plate of meat I was still quite peckish. Call me a fatty but I wanted another sausage. You can just get a sausage and bread if you like. So I went back there to get me another nice banger. When I arrived there were about 3 tossers hanging out at the BBQ waiting for the food.
'Id like a sausage and bread thanks' I said politely with im about to eat a sausage smile on my face.
The woman next to me turns to me quite abruptly and states 'You cant have one cause we are buying it all'. I thought she was joking and laughed. Those crazy tossers they like a good joke from time to time ey. 'No we are actually buying it all, you cant have any'.
I looked at the BBQ covered in sausages and hamburger patties and said, 'well all I want is one sausage and bread' my smile turning to a worried concerned expression.
'NUP! We are taking the lot, we have to feed all these people' she pointed to a group of jerks standing around a table, each one covered in more dick than the next.
'I just want ONE! I will pay you $5 for a sausage and bread!' I said quite boldly pulling out the cash and waving it around. She stood there thinking for a second...'No we need them ALL!'
It was then I got mad, they didnt need it all. They had heaps of fuking sausages, the people making the BBQ looked uncomfortable, they knew she was being unreasonable. and so I shouted
'YOU DONT NEED ALL THAT FOOD, YOU ARE ALL HIDEOUSLY OBESE!!!!'
She was a thin enough woman but didnt find this amusing at all. She looked really pissed off and turned the other way no longer wanting to continue the conversation. I stood there for about a minute longer waiting for something to happen. Nothing did. I went to the bar and got a beer. That I later dropped.
Yesterday I went to that new lawn bowls for yuppies place that is sweeping the town. It was my second time there and I have to admit that it was sort of pleasant there. Nice bar, nice beer, nice and cool outside...however it was full of absolute wankers.
The sort of people that make me wanna run round with a big pointy hand and just slap them all in their stupid faces. You know the type, visors, polo shirts, charity wrist bands. Tossers.
Anyway I tried to ignore them and have a nice time with my beer.
A nice part of this place is the BBQ. Its a bit bloody expensive for the amount you get, $7 for half a plate full of food, but it tastes good and Ill pay high prices for meat when Im drinking. Know what Im sayin.
However after finishing my half plate of meat I was still quite peckish. Call me a fatty but I wanted another sausage. You can just get a sausage and bread if you like. So I went back there to get me another nice banger. When I arrived there were about 3 tossers hanging out at the BBQ waiting for the food.
'Id like a sausage and bread thanks' I said politely with im about to eat a sausage smile on my face.
The woman next to me turns to me quite abruptly and states 'You cant have one cause we are buying it all'. I thought she was joking and laughed. Those crazy tossers they like a good joke from time to time ey. 'No we are actually buying it all, you cant have any'.
I looked at the BBQ covered in sausages and hamburger patties and said, 'well all I want is one sausage and bread' my smile turning to a worried concerned expression.
'NUP! We are taking the lot, we have to feed all these people' she pointed to a group of jerks standing around a table, each one covered in more dick than the next.
'I just want ONE! I will pay you $5 for a sausage and bread!' I said quite boldly pulling out the cash and waving it around. She stood there thinking for a second...'No we need them ALL!'
It was then I got mad, they didnt need it all. They had heaps of fuking sausages, the people making the BBQ looked uncomfortable, they knew she was being unreasonable. and so I shouted
'YOU DONT NEED ALL THAT FOOD, YOU ARE ALL HIDEOUSLY OBESE!!!!'
She was a thin enough woman but didnt find this amusing at all. She looked really pissed off and turned the other way no longer wanting to continue the conversation. I stood there for about a minute longer waiting for something to happen. Nothing did. I went to the bar and got a beer. That I later dropped.
posted by matt at 11:23 AM
2 Comments:
bad music, bad sunnies, bad hair, bad turned up collars, bad 'distressed' screenprinted polo shirts, bad shoes and bad, bad, yuppies.
when will they realise having been a rower does NOT make you cool.
You see, the problem is that you're going to the yuppie lawn bowl venues. They're over-run with spooner types with their collars up and you have to pay about $10 for the privilege of bowling there.
Inner suburban bowls clubs are where it's at - the Sturt Bowls club next the Unley Oval only charge about $5 to bowl and the old guys are REALLY grateful to have the youth of today visiting. On Thursdays there's night owls bowling and there's a couple of crazy old guys who tell stories and make obscene jokes.
I'm also pretty sure that there's greens near BaWaWeCra which means you wouldn't even need to walk too far.
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