Boy Crazy
Sometime last year I went a bit bonkers. Well I was feelin a bit out of sorts. Hell I dunno, I was just partying too much. I found myself single and confused with what the hell I was doin with my life.
I went out most weekends and got damn drunk. But a good drunk. It was at this time that I started doing what I had contemplated doing on and off from time to time. Pash boys.
I tried it on with lots of boys that i would run into around the place. Most of whom would laugh and just tell me to look elsewhere. 'No seriously go away, I love you Matt but Im not gonna kiss you'. Despite all my attempts followed by rejection I didnt give up. And finally had a winning streak. I pashed a few boys. Only about 3 properly the rest were weird things that should be more likened to attacks of the face.
Two things I learnt from all of this is one, that stubble pushed against you feels horrible when you are kissing someone. I think if I ever started a relationship with a man I would force him to wax his face in the hope that it would remain smooth.
The other is that boys are crap at kissing. Well crap at kissing me. They dont know what the hell they are doing. I should really teach a class for boys. Cause let me tell ya, these lips know what they are doing.
The pash frenzy ended when I had 2 dreams that freaked me out a little. One where I dreamed my housemate showed me a lot of snakes (read about this in more detail previously on this blog), and the other where I went to bed with my other housemate planning to have sex with him. But was not able to because his penis was shaped like a steak. It looked horrible and I didnt want to go near it.
However it did bring arise to the expression 'pounding the schnitzel'.
Which incidentally is the point of this post. This phrase should be used commonly for men when they want to talk about 'rubbin one out'.
I went out most weekends and got damn drunk. But a good drunk. It was at this time that I started doing what I had contemplated doing on and off from time to time. Pash boys.
I tried it on with lots of boys that i would run into around the place. Most of whom would laugh and just tell me to look elsewhere. 'No seriously go away, I love you Matt but Im not gonna kiss you'. Despite all my attempts followed by rejection I didnt give up. And finally had a winning streak. I pashed a few boys. Only about 3 properly the rest were weird things that should be more likened to attacks of the face.
Two things I learnt from all of this is one, that stubble pushed against you feels horrible when you are kissing someone. I think if I ever started a relationship with a man I would force him to wax his face in the hope that it would remain smooth.
The other is that boys are crap at kissing. Well crap at kissing me. They dont know what the hell they are doing. I should really teach a class for boys. Cause let me tell ya, these lips know what they are doing.
The pash frenzy ended when I had 2 dreams that freaked me out a little. One where I dreamed my housemate showed me a lot of snakes (read about this in more detail previously on this blog), and the other where I went to bed with my other housemate planning to have sex with him. But was not able to because his penis was shaped like a steak. It looked horrible and I didnt want to go near it.
However it did bring arise to the expression 'pounding the schnitzel'.
Which incidentally is the point of this post. This phrase should be used commonly for men when they want to talk about 'rubbin one out'.
posted by matt at 11:55 AM
2 Comments:
how rude! some boys are nice enough to let you press your hideous face against theirs and then you dis their technique in public. give them a break, it's hard to control your lips when you're retching in disgust. that's why i like to give a boy a quikeze before i pash him.
You got the first sentence of this post wrong - it should be:
'Sometime last year I went a bit fat'.
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