There are some expressions that people say that drive me absolutely nuts! Things that people say all the time for no real reason. Especially in offices.
1. 'At the end of the day'
At the end of what bloody day!? It it was used to explain a time when something was going to happen ie; 'at the end of the day I am going to kick you in the nuts' that would be fine...but its used in some strange way that makes no sense whatsoever to me. NULL AND VOID!
2. '24/7'
Oh so youre one of those types that does stuff all the time. You do it so much that you literally do it 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Amazing. You should be given a prize. You should be allowed to say 24/7 till the cows come home. Well done.
3. 'and yeah'
The most annoying one of all. This bothers me to no end. Some people might stop me here and say 'what have you got a problem with stupid people'. Yes, yes I do. People who finish a sentence with 'and yeah' are fuking morons. If I was a teacher and someone said that in my class they would be dropped down a grade.
So it goes like this. Some dumb cockhead says 'So the other day I was all like the fattest loser but then I remembered I had to go out and hang with the doods so I decided I should tape the end and ....YEAH!'
Oh so you are agreeing with what you have stated? You did a good job there kid. Well done. Learn to finish a sentence when it needs to be! gawd.
Thats enough for today. My body is aching from playing soccer yesterday, it was the first exercise Id done in ages and I am really paying for it today. It was fun tho I think ill do it again and ...yeah.
If I had 5 cents for every page on the web I am mentioned on I would have about 20 dollars.
Last night I was talking to a friend about stuff and he mentioned trying to get in contact with the other people of the same name as him in order to do some fun wacky things. He searched for his name online and found other people with the same name.
A quick google of my name "Matt Banham" brings up around 400 results. and are large proportion of them are actually me! It seems that I am the most famous Matt Banham in the world. That is a pretty awesome achievement I say. The other Matt Banham that comes close is some sort of professional football player from America. I assume he could be more famous than me, but I dont really know why.
Also if you image google my name you get 5 pictures, 3 of them are of me and one is of some very unfortunate looking man. Which also makes me the most handsome Matt Banham around!
Another win for me!
When I first got an email address back in 1997 I creativly chose mattbanham@hotmail.com about 1 year later I recieved an email for another Matt Banham...the one at yahoo.com (apparently we are a creative bunch). It was an email from a girl who had had relations with this other Matt Banham and was writing to find out what the hell had gone on between them. It was quite an emotional email and a great read at that. Turns out the other Matt Banham was a jerk and I sounded like a much nicer guy.
So I might also be the nicest Matt Banham.
Whats the point of this post. I dont really know but I do know that I am perhaps the most famous, handsomest and nicest Matt Banham on the planet.
So apparently the modern western world is becoming more and more conservative. Well at least there seems to be a movement from the youth towards the right as apposed to the left to which they are usually drawn.
This is of a great concern to me as I consider myself to be a bit of a lefty, but at the same time do not want to associate myself with the majority of 'left wing' people i meet. Im sure there are a lot of reasons why people are increasingly becoming annoyed by 'lefties' however I point the finger at organic food shops.
Now im sure they aint all bad but there is one in the city that makes my blood boil as soon as i walk into it. I feel like dragging a cow into the middle of the shop and carving it up in front of them. Its not just all the terrible slogans they have around the shop that bother me, or the annoying way everything is set out so it looks like you are in some sort of cave, but its mostly the people who work there.
Now I have no real logical reason to dislike these people. They seem harmless but they appear to me as the most annoying people in the world. Why do they have to be so loud and so damn positive about everything? And why do they all have to wear trendy ties? And why do they have to look like something out of 'how to dress like an indie/lefty/tosser boy' magazine.
I cant go in there anymore. Organic food is good for you. And its better to buy organic food than heavily processed food. and its better to buy from small shops as apposed to multinational supermarkets. But god, it is a lot more annoying.
Also the other day I went to a hardware store to buy some stuff. As I was walking around in there I thought to myself 'you know this is great, its a nice little shop, owned by the people who work here, its not like Bunnings'. I then went to the counter and asked where something was.
'ITS OVER THERE!' the woman said very gruffly, and pointed to basically the entire shop.
I came up with a great idea for a skit. If anyone wants to steal/use it I want $400. I think thats a reasonable price for a gag. dont you!?
ok so here it is: ----------------- A guy and a girl are walking out of some fancy building. The guy is wearing a plain white polo shirt and the girl is wearing a big fluffy fur coat.
A group of animal right hippies are out the front and they throw red paint at the woman with the fur coat. and a little bit splashes on to the guy in the polo shirt.
The woman looks down horrified at the fur coat ruined, but the guy looks down at his polo shirt with some c-razy paint splashed randomly on it and gets a big smile on his face indicating that he really likes it! ------------------ Genius.
Last weekend some kid told me I should be a comedian. I reckon he was onto something.
