The end of an Asshole?

Im starting to wonder how long I can go on with this whole 'Im a loud mouthed asshole thing' before it stops being funny and people stop and say, 'hey that guy IS a loud mouthed asshole'.

Im hoping forever. But society has many layers you see. And eventually I could piss one off.

Im gonna need to start creating scapegoats now.

In other news I have got this idea in my head to make an entire album about dancing. Not dance music as such, but the act of dancing. I think there are endless metaphors and smilies...not sure if someone has already done this. Anyway Im excited about this idea, and bully for you if you aint. It will probably turn into just one song about dancing...but Ill see how I go...

Plans and Rants

Ok I got some ideas and rants stored up here...might let some of them loose.

I have decided I want to make a sitcom about my life. I mean lets face it, Im fukin funny. Ive had a lot of stupid adventures and I think the world wants to see them. It started off as an idea for me to become Larry David. I want to be him when I am old. Shout at my wife and wander around getting up to mischief to pass the time.

But to do that I gotta get rich. So like Larry David (the co-creator of Seinfeld) I am gonna use TV, cause god knows this music caper aint making me any money. And like Seinfeld its gonna be a show with me playing myself, a struggling folk singer who regularly gets pissed off by the world and the audience. Thinks he is the best, gets drunk and causes trouble, has issues with women, works a dull 9-5 job and generally finds himself in situations he dont know how to deal with.

Who wouldnt want to watch that. Ive never acted before but I mean, how hard can that shit be. Ill be playing myself. And I am me 24 hours a day...Im a natural. I just gotta write a story thingo...and get a cast and crew and stuff. Then pitch it to some TV station. Might start with the ABC or SBS then when its a hit sell it to one of the big stations and make millions.

I cant wait. Then I just sit back, get married and shout at my wife.

WHERE IS THE IRONY!?

Elitism of any kind give me the shits to no end. In fact anyone that takes anything too seriously without any hint of humour involved is a moron in my books. I mean why? The world is bloody ridiculous, how can you take anything completely serious, except maybe really serious issues like poverty and stuff, but everything else that doesnt involve lives being lost. WHO CARES.

And the biggest thing of all that should not be taken completely seriously is Music. Music is ridiculous. Its about people who want to avoid responsibility for as long as possible and want to project this onto as many people as possible through the form of songs. Now dont get me wrong, I love music, I am a musician and Music makes me really happy. But come on. Its only fuking music. Why get all high and all mighty about it? Just because you know more about some fuking band from 20 years ago than a guy who lives next door to you does not make you a better person. No it probably makes you a sadder person.

I read a new street mag thing the other day and god it was fuking awful. I couldnt believe the amount of shite that was written in there. Anyone who takes music or anything like that completely seriously is a loser. Lighten up, its supposed to be fun.

Stupid - ity.

I've decided that I want to add the word 'Stupid' to every location I go to. Not that I think that every place I go to is stupid. I just think that stupid is a damn funny word.

Here are some examples:

The Stupidmild = The Supermild
The Stupider = The Exeter
Adelaide Stupidversity = Adelaide University
The Stupidtanic Gardens = The Botanic Gardens
Stupid Jones food court = David Jones food court

You get the picture. I figure it will not only revolutionize my life, but the lives of my friends and family, and hopefully eventually society as a whole.

Embrace Stupid. I do.

New Album for me.

*warning, this is a non-entertaining post*

Hello Everyone,

Well to stop myself from going crazy between working 9-5 and waiting for the
next Unstable Ape album to be ready, I recorded an album with the help of
some friends, in a quick shambolic fashion.

The fruits of my labor can be downloaded in its entirety for free from
http://www.nothroughroad.com

Its called 'Lo-Fi Sandwich' and its a gem. 11 songs, 29 minutes.

It will not be available for sale ever. So download it up kids, burn it for
your friends, sell it to your friends, make some damn money for once in your
lives.

Copies will be sent off to radios and things as soon as i get my ass to the
printers.

.matt

ps. lemme know what you think.

This shit is Banham. B A N - H A M!

Highlights of the Recent Weekend:

1)Sticking as many limes as possible which I stole from the bar onto the Cacti spikes at a popular local night club.

2)Dancing in the face of the lead singer from End of Fashion as he was trying to chat to some sort of groupie, which eventually led to him saying to me 'you are freaking me out man!'

3)Screaming 'END OF FASHIIIIIIIOOOOOON' at the guys from End of Fashion as they left the popular nightclub and gettin very strange looks from them all.

4) Successfully putting a lime into someone jacket without them noticing on both Friday and Saturday night. Watching one of them leave hours later and put their hands in their pocket to discover the lime and look very confused indeed.

5) Telling the 'Nacho Cheese' joke twice.

6) Calling the guy who stands at the door of a popular nightclub 'Mr Big'.


Lowlights of the Recent Weekend:

1) Waking up with horrible hangovers on both Saturday and Sunday.

2) Eating pizza from Pizza Revolution at 530 on Saturday morning.

3) Loosing 5 bucks on the pokies

4) Getting 3 cactus spikes in my finger while putting limes on a cactus and not being sure if they are still in my finger or not.

5) accidentally setting my foot on fire from my cigarette and not noticing until 2 minutes later so now i have a burn on my ankle.

6) kissing a house mate in the toilets only to have him laugh hysterically in my face immediately after.



6 highs and 6 lows.... looks like a pretty evened out weekend

An Ear-Full

I have an ear wax issue. Which I've recently discovered is not an
uncommon thing. By that I mean I know one other person who has it.
Anyway I get a lot of wax and need to go to the doctor to get it out
through the use of a syringe and hot water. Which is at first
uncomfortable, but then feels very nice. Warm and tickly... After
doing this I can hear better than ever. Everything sounds really
trebley and even the sound of someone rustling paper can be really hard
to take...but it only lasts a couple days before it goes back to normal.

This story would be pretty boring if it wasnt for my recent gift from
Japan.

In Japan and other Asian countries to clean out your ears a lot of
people use something I call an ear spoon. Basically its a long stick
with a tiny scoop on the end of it. And it is brilliant. You can get
right in there and scoop out all the goo. And it feels really good
cause you can scratch your inner ear too...works a lot better than a
damn cue tip or what ever that thing is called. I used one of those
once and made my self temporarily deaf in one ear. Had to get driven to
the doctor straight away to be cleaned out cause I couldnt walk straight. Aaaaanyway...

I had one of these spoons years ago and used it regularly and my
hearing was better than ever. But alas I lost it. And when I went with
a friend to buy a new one from a Chinese supermarket, the people working
there at first pretended to not sell them...and then said. 'its not for
you!'. then told me of the dangers, but i said I still wanted it. So
they sold it to me. Sure enough I lost that about a week later and was too scared to go back...'excuse me I lost my danger spoon...'

But there is a happy end to this long winded story...My friend Ianto
recently returned from a holiday in Japan and he bought me an ear spoon
with a little Buddha, and a bell on the end. I cleaned out my ears last night and hear so well today. Look out muttery people, I CAN HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT ME NOW!

workin for the ham.

my friend just got a new job. he is gettin out of this place. i need to get a new job too. this place is killing me.

EMO POST!