Daylight bloody savings. What a stupid fuking invention. Lets just change everyones sleeping patterns, cause mass confusion on the day it changes over so that some tanned jerk can enjoy another hour of sun at the beach after work.
SCREW THAT TANNED JERK! I WANT TO SLEEP IN!!!
I bet his name is something like Rick too. Ive never met any Ricks but I assume they are all jerks.
I should move to Queensland where they dont have daylight savings, which I found out from a taxi driver in Brisbane who when he discovered I was from Adelaide said 'You have daylight savings down there dont you!? YOU CAN KEEP IT!!!'
He then went on to tell me that I could keep Sydney and Melbourne too 'cause they have shit weather'.
'YOU CAN KEEP ALL OF IT!! QUEENSLAND IS THE ONLY PLACE I WANNA BE IN!'
He seemed was giving a lot of stuff away. I should have taken it I could have made a killing on the property market. Sydney and Melbourne would be worth a lot I rekon...
Well Im about 3 weeks into quittin smoking. I have slipped up once or twice but overall Im managing to kick it quite well.
Until recently I saw no reason to quit. I liked doing it, it looked cool and I was tempting fate all at the same time. However after becoming deathly ill for about the 6th time this year I have decided that I no longer want to be sick all the bloody time.
Its annoying and I dont like it. And apparently smoking is bad for your health and your immune system. Damn those preachy stickers on the packets.
While there are some great pros to quitting : better health, less stinky, better skin, less bowly, gettin a better sense of smell and taste and saving money etc.
However there are some cons. Some horrible cons...
The cravings are pretty bad. Of course this will pass but goddamn its nice to smoke when you have a beer. Or when you get home from work. Or when youve had a nice meal...oh i miss it so.
Then there are the nice social interactions when you smoke. Sitting outside talking about how to save the world. Acting like a wanker...blah blah.
But the worst of all is the loss of 'cool'. Smoking is cool. Lets face it. People who do it look great. Girls look sexy when they do it too. And it keeps you busy. If you are standing waiting for someone you are gonna look a hell of a lot cooler if yr smoking than if yr just standing there like some fat chump. am i right!?
So to counteract this loss of cool im gonna have to come up with a new edge to my style. I thought of chewin gum, constantly combing my hair...but none of these seemed to fit.
Ive decided to become a coin flipper. just stand around flipping coins. of course im gonna have to get a lot more coordinated to make this look cool. i drop shit all the time. but if i can successfully pull of a cool coin flippin attitude i should have a great life ahead of me.
be a great way to meet cool people too..
'hey what you doin there' 'just flippin' 'mind if i join you?' 'go right ahead'
*blank stares as flipping ensues*
oh yeah. Things are lookin up for this recent non-addict...
So since Saturday I have spent most of my time in bed...somehow the cold I thought was almost over came back with a horrible vengeance when I woke up on Saturday morning so dizzy that I couldn't even get up out of bed to piss, I did eventually don't worry...
I became a bedridden monster who had to call housemates on the phone to get them to come into my room to get me a glass of water. I even had a doctor come round to my house and diagnose me. THEY COME TO YOUR HOUSE! FOR FREE! It was amazing, I lay on my bed in the middle of a terrible fever wearing only my tiny underpants while a doctor and a nurse stood in my room and diagnosed me. Was pretty weird as I was a bit delirious and didn't really know exactly what was going on.
That was Saturday, I think, Then my collarbone decided to give way due to all the coughin and swell up like a mutha fucker causing extreme pain and making puttin tshirts on and off one of the worst things in the world. Got taken to a 7 day clinic and was prodded some more, given some pain killers that helped, but only a little.
Then on Tuesday I went to see another doctor to see how I was goin (lemme tell you some of this shit was gettin expensive) he looked at me for about 5 mins and decided I probably had pneumonia and sent me straight to the RAH (making it 3 times to emergency this year). Went there in my trackies and was x-rayed and had a lot of blood taken from me. Given a drip. Tests all came back and I was pretty fine. Had something called cellulitus in my chest. I don't even have fat thighs!
Its Wednesday today and Its the first day I've been able to walk for more than a couple of minutes. Feels great to be slightly mobile again.
Things I have learnt from this experience?
1.after not shaving for 5 days I start to look like a pedophile (according to my good pal James) 2.if you develop a cough that sounds like a dog barking your friends will find great amusement in it 3.panadine forte aint as strong as it should be 4.eating chicken soup with your left hand whilst lying down can be very hard 5.my housemates and friend rules 6.I can be a really sulky grumpy shit when I'm sick
So my band is playing 2 gigs this weekend. Friday at Fowlers and Saturday at The Exeter, if anyone is interested...
I have a bad feeling im gonna have to play in an eye patch tho..as my stye has gotten even more puffy. I assume when i wake up tomorrow it will be closed over. At work today people have been all looking at me funny but noone has said anything.
At least I can find that part amusing. If anyone has any cures for styes, apart from rubbing pure gold on it, im all ears!
A non-stye related story:
Yesterday as I was walking to my bus after work an old couple stopped me and asked me where a building in the University was. I didnt know and had never heard of the building which is sorta unusual as I work and the Uni and know a bit about it now...anyway I told the lady I didnt know where it was.
The man then said to his wife in a semi hushed and annoyed tone 'of course he doenst know, look at him!'
I was shocked and appalled! LOOK AT ME!? What the hell about my appearance implies that I dont know anything about Universitys. Hell I have been compared to Tom Hanks and Ben Affleck in terms of appearance. Both very clean cut guys...But it got me thinking, maybe my look is a little too 'street'. I wear hoodies, jeans and black sneakers. Maybe I should mix it up with a little 'Urban Professional'. Get some of those horrible shirts that have paint thrown all over them and random words like 'staples' and 'fuckwit' scattered all over them. Then make sure its got some shit hangin off it so it looks like its gonna fall apart in the wash. Then maybe Ill just rub a dog turd through my hair so it looks all messed up, but in a cool way. And while im at it Ill buy some jeans that look like they have been worn by a man who only bends above the knee for a year or more.
MAYBE THEN I will look like someone who knows where a fuking useless building is!
Today I came to work and forgot to bring my belt. I will now have to spend the rest of the day pulling my pants up. Such is the delema of the man with the small ass.
On the weekend I fell over behind a dumpster while tryin to take a piss in an alley. Landed on all these boxes and tubes. When I got up hardcore kids were laughing at me. Apparently you can still laugh at slapstick when you are straight edge.
I also have a stye in my eye. It hurts. Im sure it gives my face some 'charachter' though...which I have been sorely lacking since I got rid of the 'dragon face' problem.
ok, lemme say this. Im all for charitable people. Its great to 'give' to the world a little of what you are lucky enough to have.
Its also nice to represent a cause by wearing a sticker or something on your body. Though I never do cause it never matches my very plain attire...
But something that is giving me the shits is these damn rubber bracelets that everyone is now wearing. I think they started as a breast cancer thing but now it seems that every bloody charity in the world is making them. THEY LOOK STUPID!!!!
And they are everywhere. Even my lovely housemate has one. Sorry Steph.
All day at work students hand stuff into me and i would say about 80% have them, It makes me sick to my stomach. I wonder where they make these things, and if they are made in a 3rd world country by some poor kid that the charity is trying to save. I should look into that as it will make this rant more valid.
If someone tries to sell me one of these things for charitable reasons I will most likely rant in their face about the price of fashion on our society. Of course the rant wont make any sense as I wear Levi's jeans and Dunlop Volleys...but while I stand there shouting as some pimply kid trying to save the world, I will believe I am right.
Which is always the most important thing as far as Im concerned.
The only good thing that could develop from these wrist bands would be the old '80s thing where if you were wearing one and someone broke it, it would mean they had to have sex with you. I would like to see that law come back into our legal system. I wonder what crazy politician phased that one out. Damn government, too busy trying to get 'mateship' into the constitution and not paying enough attention to the wrist band laws...
