Comments to end a year...

Well its been a great year for SFPD. The birth of a blog that Im sure you will all come back to year after year after year...

So to wrap up a good six months or so of bloggin Im putting up the best comments ive received from my posts. A lot of them dont make any sense, some of them are darn funny, and many are abusive to yours truly...especially those written by my friend Nick (Wa).

Enjoy! and see you nest year!



Ianto Ware said...

Two large purchases huh? Maybe you should also invest in a diet plan and some exercise. You need them a lot more than riches and fame.

Levins said...

matt, you left a really big sock at my house. like REALLY BIG. you could probably make a jacket out of it? it's really big man.


Anonymous said...

Ahh, the inept and naive, how little do they and how big they comment.

I hear that people in bands are introverted weeners with no access to any kind of emotion and use music as that medium, they hang around in smokey pubs with alcoholics which they later become and end up on the street injecting heroin into thier arms and selling thier trashed cake hole for money...........

Is this true, surely its what society sees as the workings of a dole bludger in a band that do little for the social endeavour of this planet......??


Rins said...

oh matt, you drunk bastard. never accuse me of being married to ben lee again. that shit hurts! one day someone WILL kick the shit outtta you and mark my words, i'll be there to laugh!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, write more about Patch Baggums next time.

~ tilda ~ said...

I have been attacked by that bird (or one of its dirty relatives) and after the trauma, I tried to warn this guy who was about to walk into the drop zone, and he laughed at me! c**ksucker.

anna said...

i envy your good hedge experience. i always wanted to jump into a hedge and then i did it and there was a bee in there and it menaced me. now i'm a prisoner to fear.


anna said...

we have the greatest campaign here - they give you cards with flames on them (presumably hellfire) that say "know jesus, no hell. no jesus, know hell!" in faux-hardcore evanescence-style font. the best one has musclebound seminude man in torn robes holding two crosses like guns, and it says "jesus, the ultimate superhero." that's just crazy. everyone knows that gary busey is the ultimate superhero.

Wa said...

dude, you have a dream where your gay friend takes you to a room full snakes, awakens them, which initially frightens you. then you begin to enjoy your experience with the snakes, and your gay intermediary disappears.
ok, so... you want me to introduce you to some guys??


Stepharoo said...
Now I get it - Billy Crystal, Crystal ball, Lucille Ball, Billy Baldwin, Ed Harris...

anna said...
dude you are the gayest thing since gay came to gaytown.


Levins said...
why were you such a soft cock jerk off when you came to visit??
we only had one night of dumbness, that night we drew on all the street signs. i feel so ripped off!
i want my money back!!

Tone said...
Hmm.... True.. but not liked ..... LOVED!
Speaking of hole.. Yesterday I was eating a jam berlina and went to get it out of the bag.. But accidently put my finger in the jam hole.... Is it wrong to be turned on by that? I really felt weird ... cos It was like 'I got to third base with a dessert'.

Anonymous said...
i think it is time you got your own blog tony


honeysmack said...
The myer centre food court, centre shop, does awesome roast beef sandwiches.. warm, on fresh bread.... [insert homer drool]

Anonymous said...
you have no talent at all. i don't even like you, your band is GAY!
you are sterile, you eat yiros' for a living & i dont like your garlic breath!
faggot!
see you at sluttermild where i'll be waitin'
wiv a tequila sunrise to stick up yer arse!

SLUT!

why dont you rub one off on yrself
& let me watch
i luv those matchstick legs!


Anonymous said...
you should pose for suicide girls with all the other whiny bitches.

Anonymous said...
yeah well fuck queensland i say. they never wanted to be federated in the first place so fuck'em harder. What i'd love to do is cut around the Qld border and push'em out into the pacific where they'll hopefully be bombed by some french nuclear test, fucking french.
but yeah, daylight savings sucks arse.

regards
Rickie Lee Jones

Anonymous said...
at least 99% of us have better health, a stable girlfriend and a managable ego.

spencemate said...
Hi there! I really enjoy reading your blog!!! This blog has been very helpful. It’s helping a lot! I’m loving it!
And guess what?? I would love to help you too! I have noticed you are needing help with the fitness!!! please visit my site to save up to 62% on Men's Fitness Magazine!
CLICK HERE!!

Anonymous said...
haha we've all noticed how matt needs help with the fitness.

Wa said...
don't worry matt, its not that you've lost your "boystrousness", its just that yr a fat old tard who's too hopeless to get over a fence.
so CHEER UP!!!

Anonymous said...
he was the greatest musician of all time... thats all i have to say.
and the word i have to type here is fatrope

Wa said...
matt, you were a fat whinging idiot when you were 16, you were a fat whinging idiot when you were 21, and you're a fat whinging idiot now. the numbers don't mean shit.
live in the now, brown-out.

Fame Grows...

Apparently my post about magpies is gonna be read out on a walk/ guided tour or Adelaide today. I wont even be there. Someone else is gonna be reading out my witty banter.

I continue to amaze myself. My head is literally swelling.

Another fascinating Matt weekend.

Some events of my weekend were thus:

- Turned 26. Felt ok about it too. I am yet to tick any boxes that say 26-30 yet tho...that could be hard.

- Got a tshirt with a picture of a big guy punching a little guy in the face.

- Got 200 business cards with my picture on it, my phone number and my quote "you're alright kid, you're gonna make it in this town". Which i proceeded to hand out to everyone in the Exeter.

- Made some random really angry by giving him my card and pointing out my tshirt. He tried to beat me up. His friends had to hold him back from me. Then fell over a bin and his bag broke spilling cds out onto the road. I can only speculate that he is some sort of DJ and he thought I was trying to get in on his territory cause Im quite well known for my dj-in prowess. I was a bit annoyed that his friends held him back cause he was so drunk Im sure I could have taken him. Then I would have been KING DJ. Those punks make a good wage. And all they do is stand there looking busy.

- Heard my grandma say 'He was so randy you couldnt even leave your boots around the house'. Not exactly sure what this means...but it scared me a little.

- Watched Okkervil River and was amazed by the boring crowd who couldnt even manage a sway from side to side occasionally. Great show tho.

- Got given a dvd player called Magnavox. Watched Napoleon Dynamite for the first time ever. It was pretty good. Got annoyed that I had once been compared to him.

- Sucked a cigarette out of a toy donkeys ass.

- Tried to watch a Bruce Springsteen dvd but couldnt cause my lovely girlfriend was doing horrible impersonations of him and showing absolutely no respect to The Boss. Ill watch that later on.

- Heard a great story about someone who has such a strong gag reflex that they spewed all over thier dentist when they were having a check-up.

- Went to a Fish and Chips shop that had run out of both fish and chips. I was forced to eat a solitary dim sim.

Overall a great weekend had by all!

26 Years Old

Its my birthday on Friday. 26. Twenty fuking Six.

Oh well, You gotta laugh. Its been an interesting year of my life. Lots happening. It started with me finding myself living back at home. Word of advice. If you move out of home, dont ever move back. My mum is great, but living with freedom and no parents is so nice, moving back is hell.

I then moved into bawawecra. That was nice. Good people. Started a band, thats gone pretty well. People seem to like us.

Delayed and delayed making my new album. Still no idea when Ill do that. Get round to it someday.

Spent most of the year working full time. Something I have managed to avoid doing for such a long period of time up until now. Its been interesting. Its definitely changed me. Specially my sleeping patterns. But it is not for me. Next year I plan to be working part time. Lets see if that happens...

I also fell in love. Which is a pretty big deal. A complete surprise too cause I was being quite a bitter fuck most of this year. And pissing off a lot of people.

But this love thing is pretty damn nice, and a good way to end a year of my life that I'd mostly like to forget. At least it wasnt as bad as 24, god that was shite!

So 26. I will try to embrace it and all of its bodily functions that continue to fail.

ps. what ever happened to my sitcom I was gonna make? That idea got canned I guess

Magpies and You. We Can Win!

In the tradition of Ianto Ware I am going to write something about the problem of swooping birds here. I two was a victum to swooping birds like 'mr angry' as I had my head clawed earlier this year just near the state library. Bastards.

I have recently come across an email sent out but Uni SA with tips on how to save yourself from the birds.

I shall put the tips below along with my Re-butt-le after each tip.

Enjoy.

1)Avoid the swoop area – try walking or riding in a different direction.

Rebuttle - What the hell is the 'swoop area' Im assuming its akin to a zone or region where the birds are most likely to attack. Well let me tell you this. Those fuckers can fly. They can go where ever the hell they want. The whole freakin world is thier 'swoop area'. Why should we avoid them. Ever heard of the food chain?! I believe WE are above fucking magpies.

2)Cyclists should always wear a helmet. It is better to dismount and walk your bike past a swoop area.

R - Well cyclists should always wear a helmet anyway. Its the law. Should they wear thier helmet while walking past the 'swoop area'? And why the hell should they go though the 'swoop area'? Weren't we just told to avoid that bloody region of doom?? Or does walking a bicycle deter them from attacking. "dont go after that human jimmy, he is walking a bike!!' - magpie.

3)Travel in a group. Most birds only swoop individuals.

R - Where the hell are we? Are we lemurs being stalked by hyenas? What if you are a Mr. No Friends are you supposed to just latch onto a group.

'excuse me kind group of cool people, mind if I join your party, I have no friends and would like to avoid being mawled by the birds you see' - Mr No Friends

Must we always travel in groups? What about the importance on the individual in our modern western society? Should we give up our dreams of independance because of the common magpie?

4)Be confident and face a swooping bird; usually they only attack people facing away from them.

R- So instead of getting hit in the hardest part of your skull, ie the back of your head, you should turn around and take it in the face like a man? Not me buddy. I live on my looks!

5)Do not panic and run. It will only encourage a swooping bird to continue its attack.

R- refer to last rebuttle

6) Wear a hat in an area where there are swooping birds.

R- so suddently a hat for someone who is walking offers the same amount of protection as a helmet for someone who is riding? The last time I checked hats are soft things easily penetrated by the sharp beak and claws of an angry magpie thirsty for blood.

7) Magpies appear to be dissuaded from swooping when they are being watched, so try wearing a hat with 'eyes' painted on the back of it.

R - So not only do we have to give up our individuality, drop down lower in the food chain and hand over huge parts of land to thier 'swoop zones'. Now we have to walk around looking like complete dickheads with eyes painted on our hats?? Werent we the species that built a rocket to the moon? When Neil Armstrong got out of the spaceship did he look around and go 'shit, the magpies got here first'. NO! We beat the fuking magpies, we can beat them at this!

8) Sunglasses worn backwards have a similar effect.

R - And you look like an absolute fuking dick.

9) Holding a stick or umbrella over your head will often cause the bird to keep its distance.

R - I dont know about you but if I was walking down the street and I saw a man waving a stick above his head, I would fear the man with the stick much more than I would ever fear a magpie. Can we really be promoting random stick waving when we are on a constant terrorist alert? I dont think so.

Conclusion:

Overall we need to grow up and take these damn ferrets of the sky on. We can not simply let them win. We must fight. I call to you fellow Adelaidians. If we avoid thier 'swoop areas', the Magpies have already won.

Rocket Bar and Me

Im playin solo at the Rocket Bar tomorrow night (saturday).

Ill be supporting Straight to Video.

I will have a drum machine.

I will have come straight from a wedding.

pretty cool huh.