Cruisin for a Bruisin...

In my last few years of life I have become increasingly cocky and rude to just about everyone. I have embraced my arrogance especially when I am drunk. Among my friends I am thought of a bit of a clown when Ive had a few and try to spill drinks on them and talk shit to strangers...

One thing that has puzzled me and many of my friends is that I have never been beaten up. I get the feeling I have come close a few times but noone has ever layed into me for being a jerk, and believe me I can be quite a jerk.

Here is a list of incidences where I should have been beaten up by someone, or at least roughed up a little, but wasnt:

1) Whilst performing a karaoke version of Bohemium Rhapsody I kicked a half full pint of beer across the room and into a pool table. I then proceeded to pull all the cds off the wall (they had some shitty display up) and frisbee them into the people in the 'club'. I was allowed to finish the song, which is quite a long song I might add, and I was then very nicely escorted by two bouncers out of the place.

2) Fell asleep on a Pool table. Bouncer asked me to get off. Which I did for 30 seconds, then went right back to sleeping on it. Bouncer kicked me out.

3) Stole a chair from outside the front of the Cranker. Ran down the street. Bouncer chased me. Walked me back with the chair.

4) Thrown up all over the tables out the front of the Exeter spraying lots of people. After finishing i looked at them all and laughed quite happily at them covered in my spew. The peoples faces were not happy.

5) When a very large man stepped on my foot accidentally I demanded to him that he lie on the floor as punishment. He didnt agree with this. I told him to do it several times and he just got angrier and angrier..At that point I decided to put my arm around him and say "we're all friends here arnt we?" he did not agree with me statement and told me to fuck off. I didnt. I kept bothering him. Luckily two of my friends stepped in and while one kept me occupied the other danced with him. And calmed him down a little. He was later kicked out of the bar for beating up someone else.

6) I have spat into the ice sink full of ice for drinks behind a bar when I thought the barman wasnt looking. He was. I was followed by a few members of the staff as I rushed out the door.

7) Told several DJs that they were playing absolute shit. Most of the DJs have not liked this and have yelled back obscenities at me. And I have laughed.

8) Most recently I threw a cushion into a DJ booth. It landed on the turntable and managed to break the record that was playing at the time. Even though about half the dance floor saw me do it noone came to tell me off or make me leave, or even beat me up.

There are plenty more times that I have cause trouble for my fellow man. I have come to the conclusion that I am invincible. Maybe its my smiley face while Im doing all this. I look pretty harmless. And needless to say, if I were to get into a fight I would most likely come off second best. Still it would be kinda interesting...

The Mods must be STOPPED!

Can someone please explain to me where the hell all the 'Mods' are coming from. I put most of the blame on one particular band from this town, but Im sure they arnt the only reason for this recent surge in Mod-ness. Now fads come and go and they dont usually bother me, remember when lots of people were wearing lime green for about 6 months there, it was in the late 90s...god that was an awful fad. I have to say that the new Mod craze that is around Adelaide at the moment is the worst Ive come across in a while. What the hell is with them. As far as I can tell they are a bunch of arrogant boys who seem to think that The Who are the greatest band ever. I got a newsflash for ya kids, The Who had about 3 good songs and about 400 boring as hell songs. I see these 'shiteaters' almost every weekend now and it gets on my goat. I even went as far as pushing one in a line once, the Mod didnt push back and I in turn felt like a jerk. Dammit! They must be stopped. Im sure there are a few nice guys there, and maybe some poor brainless kids that have just got swept up in the 'fever', but the leaders of this craze must be stopped. I have never wanted to start an uprising against a group before...but now I do.

Rabbits vs Rats

Last night I went over to a friends house. She was playing trivial pursuits with some friends...I sat there while they finished the game.

It was some special version of trivial pursuits, some sort of Australian young peoples version. lots of questions on the Sydney Olympics and whatnot.

A question came up that my friend had a lot of trouble answering...
'In the late 19th century what did an Englishman release 12 of into Australia that would soon become a plague?'

She thought about it for a little while and answered 'rats'. Oh how we laughed and laughed. RATS! An Englishman released 12 rats into the wild outback of Australia. 'But you see rats everywhere!' she proclaimed.

She was then allowed another guess...'Fleas?' HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA. Give her the nobel prize.

Eventually she answered rabbits and was slightly redeemed...only slightly.

Now in the interest of comedy I will write the conversation of 2 Englishmen as one of them release 12 fleas into the harsh Australian outback.

*to be read in posh English accents*

Englishman 1: I do say my dear fellow what is that you have there in that tiny box?
Englishman 2: Why it contains 12 fleas my good man.
E1: 12 fleas!? Whatever for, wot?
E2: Why for sport of course, my good man!
E1: FOR SPORT!? What on God's great earth could one do with such fleas in sport?
E2: To tell you the truth, I havnt really thought about that...
E1: Very good then. Well do hurry up, I am simply famished for a cup of tea.
E2: Jolly good!

------------------------

Later on that night I went onto answering 6 out of 6 questions on a card of trivial pursuits. It seems that no one over the age of 25 knows who Jackson Pollock is. Strange. Must be some sort of 'cultural' gap.

What the new, Mary Jane?

Recent events:

1.A bird flew into my head on the way to work. Clawed at my ear, unfortunately there were no horrific gashes to make my story seem real, so I could be lying about the whole thing. It was just near the State Library where apparently there is a sign saying beware of the magpies and tells you what to do to stop them from attacking. But my friend told me it was just something like 'be alert'. WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT!? Those birds are nuts.

2. My brother got tendonitus and so can't play drums, and so we can't record the new album. So its been delayed till early next year. Bummer. I guess fame and riches can wait, but for how long?

3. Ate the blandest potato thing ever. All because the lady in the shop wouldn't give me some good suggestions for what to put on it. I ended up with tomato, capsicum and eggplant. Not a good combination.

4. Ianto came in on my radio show. Apparently Im supposed to read some things aloud to some nerds this weekend...I got a good feeling that aint happening...Only thing I ever read aloud to nerds is how much im gonna kick their ass right before I do. Im a jock you see.

Bruised Shins

Last Friday night I got very drunk in a public arena. Very Drunk.

This is not really an unusual circumstance, happens pretty often to me. Usually I get a little drunk, run around like an idiot, annoy as many friends of mine as I can by saying 'life's like this' before spilling beer all over them.

But last Friday I have very few memories of things. This is not that unusual either. I often wake up wondering what I was up to the night before. The things is that this time I thought I remembered the whole night. There are no black spots in my so called memory. Just a sequence of drunken events.

But since that night I have been told by people of things that I did that I have no memory of. But I don't have any time for those things to happen. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING OF THAT NIGHT.

This leads me to only 2 conclusions. Either my friends were lying to me about some of my 'antics' or I was involved in yet another time travel event that will never be explained. The last time I traveled through time I was on the way to the Exeter with my friend Nick. We caught a tram at 10:15 and arrived in the city at 9:15. We were both amazed beyond belief and spent the rest of the night confused. We had not been drinking at all. So my friend Nick and I are 1 hour older than everyone, sort of.

Maybe this happened again on Friday night...Ill have to ask Nick if he has strange memories, I believe he was drinking that night.

I also awoke with a huge lump on my shin that I have no recollection of getting. Maybe Nick has that too.

The album begins

Well after struggling for bloody ages I finally got my computer all set up and started recording my new album last night. It seems to be coming along quickly too cause the computer is working like a dream and I have been practicing the songs for bloody ages.

I recorded the final song for the album last night, for some reason i decided to do that one first. Then another song which will be sent off to Henry Wagons and he is gonna add a whole lot of nice to it.

If everything goes well it should be out in October, with the first 'single' hittin the radio waves in late August. Its pretty exciting. At the moment I hold a lot of stock in the success of this album. Each thing I've made has done better than the last and the last one did pretty damn well. For my standards anyway, so hopefully this one will do even better.

Im pretty confident in it, I think the songs are better and not as overbearing as some of the songs on the last album. I am purposely going to try to make it more accessible, Im through with this 9-5 shit kicker lifestyle. I wanna be a rock star dammit.

Guess just gotta wait and see what happens...



this was probably boring to a lot of people, im starting to sound like one of those boring serious blogger types. Look at me 'mixin it up!'!